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YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

Written by Vicelin on April 23, 2009
Alright. It seems that while I was busy these last few years with college and the internets, several bits of anime-related news skipped under my radar. I've only become aware of how many live-action anime/manga adaptions that Hollywood has set for pre-production since a few months ago, when I first found out about the unfortunate raping of the Avatar: The Last Airbender adaption. That was what prompted me to do a quick search for other movies that are in danger of said rape.

Dragon Ball. Ghost in the Shell. Akira. Cowboy Bebop. Battle Angel Alita. And now, Full Metal Panic.

Aparently Leonardo DeCaprio is cast as angsty Kaneda in Akira. GAG. Isn't he like, an old fart already? What's with the age gap here? Kaneda isn't that old.

And second of all, now I can finally, finally say it and be completely right: THERE IS NO NEED FOR WHITE ACTORS IN AKIRA. NO. NEED. It is clear as crystal, glass, whatever, that all of the characters ARE ASIAN. The setting is POST-APOCALYPTIC TOKYO for christ sake! TOKYO! Do I need to say it again? TOKYO! TOKYO! TOKYO! GET SOME FUCKING ASIAN ACTORS IN THIS MOVIE! There are some damn good Asian actors out there who can't get cast in movies like these because they are too busy being cast as the stereotypical Asian nerd!

And if they change the location to post-apocalyptic New York, I'm going to shit SO MANY bricks. SO MANY.

And Keanu Reeves is set to play Spike in Cowboy Bebop. This, I will admit, has the potential to be pulled off. It will all depend on the screen writers (read: sick fucks who are the real culprits in the death of film-making as we know it), and the director. Keanu is a great actor, and he can pull of Spike if it is done right. Chance of this happening? Maybe .05%

Well...I've read enough reviews of the live action Dragon Ball movie tonight to know that it failed horribly. Not that anyone wasn't expecting anything less. I mean, pfft, Justin Chatwin? The only thing I was excited for after the release of this movie was that maybe That Guy With The Glasses would do a review of it. Because that would just make my day. But he didn't. So my day was not made. I did, however, find the best fucking video ever in the process:




My thoughts are shared with this one dude:

"Now I know a lot of people may read this and say “but it’s only one movie dude, if it sucks they will just disappear and you will never see another again.” Yet I have seen enough movies in my life to know how this works. You make one, and it rakes in just enough money to line their pockets so suddenly every jackass wants to make a live action Anime movie. Comic book movies and video game movies are all living proof that trends get set even after failure. I guess my final thoughts are this: Dragonball is a terrible idea, as is making Avatar: the Last Air Bender (looking at you M. Night.), and Naruto. So please Hollywood, when Dragonball fails, as you know it will don’t make another one."

Yea, I think he kind of nailed it.

I think, out of all the 2,354,490 live-action movies being made in the next few years, the only one I have any shred of hope for is Battle Angel Alita. Because the director, James Cameron, is actually a fan of the manga ( he even wears the T-shits to prove it, bless his soul) and has hired the creator of the story for reference.

He. Hired. The. Creator. For. Reference. Sounds like a fuckin' path to success to me. How can you go wrong with that?

It's kind of funny, though. When the movie Underworld came out in 2003 and I saw the promotion poster, I was like "OMG BATTLE ANGEL?" because Kate Beckinsdale looks SO MUCH like BA's main character Alita that it's just what I immediately thought of xD...

See the comparison:





Not to mention, it should be hella easy to pull off Battle Angel. I will go so far as to say this: there is no possible way that they can fuck up the action sequences in this movie. The fights that took place in the Manga pretty much scream "LIVE-ACTION ME!".

(Just a warning if you watch it, there is lots of animated gore. Oh, and a dog gets sliced to ribbons. I actually cried the first time I saw that scene).




Seriously, this is the violent material directors like Quentin Tarantino, Ruggero Deodato, and basically every splatter/gore fanatic drool over. You can't go wrong with the source material. And if James Cameron doesn't use it and abuse it, well, he's a moron.

End rant.

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Vicelin

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April 23, 2009
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Thu Apr 23, 2009 10:06 AM +

I was looking forward to the Cowboy Bebop one. But yeah, the chances of Keanu pulling off Spike is quite slim. I know Imppy went into spasms when he learnt Keanu would play Spike. I'm just praying they don't ruin Bebop. D:

 
 
Thu Apr 23, 2009 10:57 AM +

Sometimes Anime/Manga should just stay 2d.

 
 
Thu Apr 23, 2009 02:56 PM +

Vice. I have a piece of news that will not sit well with you.

Look forward to my blog around the weekend.

 
 
Thu Apr 23, 2009 05:20 PM +

The fact that white producers are making these is wrong enough. At least have ONE Asian helping.
The Hitler video is extreme. xD

 
 
Thu Apr 23, 2009 05:42 PM +

Silver~ It's possible, as long as they don't butcher the character, physically and mentally, and the director isn't a douche ;_;...but yea, like I said, chances of that happening is .05%

Zhlink~ Yes, I agree ._.

Imp~ Uuuugh. Is it going to make me explode in rage? Can you at least give me a heads up on the topic, if so? ;__;

Rep~ The Hitler video is amazing xD

 
 
Thu Apr 23, 2009 07:51 PM +

Haha I remember finding Battle Angel Alita in my oppa's car... I got addicted to it ^.^

*Must... stay... away... from... addiction..!*

 
 
Thu Apr 23, 2009 09:31 PM +

Haha, that is pretty wierd. >__<;;

 
 
Thu Apr 23, 2009 10:06 PM +

Ah, I swear I've seen that same Hitler scene used for a lot of crap. xP

Btw, the third part just came out a couple of days ago. Go watch all three!

 
 
Thu Apr 23, 2009 11:39 PM +

Dragonball had TWO asians helping btw. Stephen CHow was the director, and CHow YUn Fatt was acting in it. Good job, you two.

@Vice: Oh, believe me. YOu're going to want to burn someone's house down.

 
 
Thu Apr 23, 2009 11:43 PM +

LOL xD wooow. live-action animes are very slim to being a success

i look forward to your blogs vicey., they have meeanninnngg

 
 
Fri Apr 24, 2009 04:04 AM +

Sashimi~ Yes, Battle Angel is very, very addicting ;__;

Imp~ ;_______;

Dee~ Yea, success rate is pretty slim. The fanbase is hard to please (and it doesn't help when the director ignores it).

 
 
Fri Apr 24, 2009 12:45 PM +

NOOOOO!!!!! NOT COWBOY BEBOP!!!!

I didn't really like Dragonball so it was okay with me, Street Fighter looks like it's gonna be a flop (WHERE'S RYU) but I'm not a fan so I don't really care, BUT NOT COWBOY BEBOP!!! AHHH!!!! :(

 
 
Fri Apr 24, 2009 02:54 PM +

Well, now you know how the Dragonball and Street Fighter fans feel? xD...

 
 
Fri Apr 24, 2009 07:51 PM +

NO. RYU.

WHAT TRAVESTY IS THIS.

Tell me they have Ken. And pull it off well. Or I'm Shinryuu Kening them to hell.

 
 
Fri Apr 24, 2009 11:31 PM +

I loathe how they butcher our childhood heroes with some frauds -_-

 

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