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A Muffin Story.

Tagged as: Dest1, Classics.

Written by Dest1 on April 4, 2009
As most of you know, I had an alternate account named Muffin, who wrote stories. I will post up the one I managed to find.


My name is Muffin. I’m a muffin, and I’m proud to be one. I will tell you a story today about my intense struggles I have had. I hope you learn a lot, and start to think about this: Muffins have feelings, too. Enjoy.

It was morning. The Muffin Kingdom was under a Code Red. Humans were invading my home. They were sticking their little fat chubby fingers into my friends and stuffing them into their fat, bulging bellies. It was horrifying, seeing my people getting devoured so hungrily. I suppose you want to know how this ever came to happen. Well, I'll tell you.

It was earlier in the month when we had news of humans invading other food nations near us. Reports of their icky, little children stepping on our yucky enemies, the cupcakes. Me and my family and everyone else here in Muffin Kingdom were ecstatic when we heard of our foes being squashed to death or being eaten by a child or two. There were also reports of waffles getting chewed to death by adult humans, who poured syrup and peanut butter and jelly all over their exteriors. Since the Waffle House and their occupants were friends of the Muffin Kingdom, we knew that waffles enjoyed getting syrup poured onto them. But they certainly didn't enjoy peanut butter and jelly. They also less enjoyed being eaten. Waffles are known to live a long life inside the Waffle House, which I must mention is built inside an icebox. We mourned over our friends, and laughed in joy over our foes. We had no idea they were going to come our way. I mean, Muffin Kingdom is hidden well. Unlike Waffle House and Cupcake Box (which were placed in an icebox and on a kitchen table), Muffin Kingdom was under huge amounts of vegetables and fruits in the supermarket. My grandfather told me that the Muffin Kingdom was accidentally misplaced by a supermarket employee long ago while restocking the produce section. Well anyway, like I was saying, the humans attacked Waffle House and Cupcake Box. They had unfortunately found us, when a certain little human kid was playing with the vegetables, they happened to find us.

It was odd, seeing my friends suddenly being swept away. Hours of darkness and the Muffin Kingdom rolling around in what seemed to be what my grandfather called an "automobile." We were then placed on a pale looking table. We smelled that food was cooking nearby. We heard sounds of what would be a "teenaged muffin" talking, only it was a skinny human. I saw him eye me, a look of hunger placed in his eyes. He reached inside our little safe haven, and his long, bony fingers started chasing me round and round my room. I screamed for help, but it was of no use. All of friends, father, mother, brother, sister, cousins, uncles, aunts, and nephews were all dead, deteriorating inside some yucky human stomach.

"What the heck, mom. Are these little magic muffins? I can't seem to grab hold of this one." said that teenage human, annoyed. I took the momentary pause to jump out of our little box of delight, and ran and ran and ran, until I fell off the table and landed on what my grandfather told me was "a floor.” I felt some of my body detaching from my exterior in crumbs. I winced in pain, but managed to go on. I noticed an opening in one of them "walls" that humans had. I heard muffled screams of the teenager, saying something along the lines of "that muffin just walked on out of the box by itself!"

I then heard a women yell from somewhere above, "Shut up, John. You know I don't believe in muffins coming to life and walking right on out of the box!"

I climbed out through the little opening, and ended up on the outside world. I breathed in the fresh carbon dioxide riddled air (I learned that in Science class at school) and made my escape. Waving in and out of moving “automobiles,” I managed to be left unscathed, standing on the other side of the “street” as my grandfather called it. I looked up, and saw a large building labeled “Corner Eatery.” I saw humans go in and out from the building, holding food in their hands. I noticed one of the humans walking out from the “Eatery” was chewing on a bite of muffin. I looked more closely, and I found out it was Cousin Jimmy, the twenty three year old muffin from the nomadic tribe that occasionally passed by Muffin Kingdom for a visit or two. They had the exact same physical features as the people in Muffin Kingdom; brown with blueberry chunks. Now you say how did I recognize something that looked exactly like me? Well, to tell you the truth, I don’t really know. It’s just something that was placed inside our muffin brains, you know?

Anyway, I had decided to take action. I climbed up the human (which was a male, by the way) from his pants and bit his nose. He screamed in pain, and let go of Cousin Jimmy. I watched as Jimmy fell to the ground. I heard his little shrieks of pain and suffering from the fall, and from the human bite. I steadily climbed back down the man, and landed next to Jimmy. I studied him. A bite in the right side, and some trauma from the fall. He didn’t look so dandy bright. I helped him stand up, and observed his physical being once more. Cousin Jimmy spoke to me in a hushed whisper, saying “Thanks for saving me from that human, Cousin Denny…now bring me to a hospital or something…please! I’m dying…”

“Yes, alright then. I’ll try and rush you to one as soon as possible, but may I ask of one thing?”

“What….is it…?”

“What’s a hospital?” I said, with a stupid little smile on my face.

Suddenly, Cousin Jimmy exploded in red faced anger. How he managed to do so while having body loss, I didn’t know. He was special that way.

“YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT A HOSPITAL IS?!”

“Uh…well...”

“DIDN’T YOU LEARN THAT IN SCHOOL?!”

“Hospitals were going to be later introduced in the curriculum, Jimbo…”

“Gosh, I’m so angry right now…It’s just adding to my head pain…”

“Dang, I’m sorry. All you need to do is explain to me what a hospital i-“

“Plus, you ruined the dramatic moment!”

“Right…well, explain to me what a hospital is before I can take you.”

“You know what, just let me die in agonizing pain here on the sidewalk.”

“Uh…okay. I’m going to now…” I said, with a wide eyed look of fright and terror on my face.

“NO! COME BACK! I was just kidding!” But that was all he was able to say before I left, pondering what the heck had just happened.

I had just managed to walk only a short while before a little “baby” human had waddled over to me and picked me up, hearing the sounds of a woman saying “Put down that dirty muffin!” and “That came from the ground! Who knows where it has been!”

When someone calls a muffin “dirty” they don’t get away from it. Did I mention before that muffins were pure? I guess not, because this lady didn’t get the picture. I leaped out from the little human’s hands and landed on the woman’s nose, staring her down as she gave a look of surprise and amazement. I then bit her left eye. She yelped in pain, as she knocked me off from her nose with a quick swipe of her hand. The baby human picked me up again, and stuffed me whole into the its mouth. I couldn’t tell if this baby human was a male or female; it had no hair whatsoever, and it wore clothing that could even baffle the one called “Einstein.” I watched the “saliva” or what my grandfather and science teacher called it slide down my body. I felt a burning sensation wherever it touched. My mind was screaming at me, saying “Get the heck out of here, you fat piece of poo!” The human suddenly got enough sufficient power to swallow me whole. I was then engulfed in darkness.

A long time later while traveling down the human’s body, I smelled something horrid and putrid. I remember something I learned in school in science class that my teacher gave us as an example for something…what is that something?! I then heard a loud “plop” noise followed by that feeling of burning sensation, only this time ten times worse. Then, it all came rushing back to me. Stomach acid. Or otherwise known by muffins “liquid death.” My mind was screaming at me once more, telling me to get out of there quickly. I jumped out of the liquid and attempted to cling to the stomach wall, and success, it worked.

Ever since that day, I have been living inside this stomach. The little human baby had swallowed a laptop a little earlier back, which is what I am using to type this out. I also had a good amount of food to digest, mostly just some “apple sauce” or as my grandfather called it “beaten down fruit.” So yeah, hopefully, when I end up as a brown piece of poop, I hope this piece of literature will be seen by muffins, humans, animals, aliens, whatever. But for now, I’ll be here inside this stomach, writing up stuff for a future generation to read.



And there you have it. And for those of you who didn't believe the material, it is in fact an autobiography of my past days as a young muffin. I do actually live inside a human's stomach, holding a laptop while keeping my mouth agate while waiting for food to fall in. So yes. How do I get Internet connection from inside here, you say? Well, a while back when the little human swallowed the laptop, the human also swallowed one of those Internet cable things.

Also, I have been making great progress in the gaming society. I had recently downloaded a game called "Minesweeper" onto the laptop, and I play it constantly while waiting for food to fall into my little mouth. Yet, I take the mines as viruses to kill, you know? And how did I learn all this computer slang? Well, I learned it from watching you guys over here in MMOT.

Toodle Loo~

(Oh and by the way, if you managed to get all the way down here without scrolling down, you just read about nine pages of literature~)

(also, I had rewrote this thing like about seven times on MSWord. >_<

(Plus, I used the name Denny as a fake name to cover up my real one, which would sound way to general)

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Dest1

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April 4, 2009
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Comments

 
Sat Apr 04, 2009 03:39 AM +

I effing love you<3

 
 
Sat Apr 04, 2009 03:58 AM +

 
 
Sat Apr 04, 2009 03:59 AM +

I can't find my rice ball blog. :(

 
 
Sat Apr 04, 2009 04:05 AM +

OMG, I found my nub story!


"The Spear of Hope"

Anyone remember that? *teary eyed*

 
 
Sat Apr 04, 2009 05:16 AM +

o.o...wow.

 
 
Sat Apr 04, 2009 08:35 AM +

I remember reading this. LOL.

 
 
Sat Apr 04, 2009 04:41 PM +

LOL that must have been pretty fun, walking around "streets".
If you are indeed a muffin, why aren't you hating us?!
We're humans too.
Not that we want you to hate us. >__<

 
 
Sun Apr 05, 2009 01:06 AM +

i loved this when it came out T.T

<3 *nostalgia*

 

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