I've been packing and cleaning out my room after work. It's been leaving me exhausted and my feet are swollen from not sitting down for hours. The super hot weather hasn't been helping. I get so sweaty, that when I put my hand on a box and remove it, my sweaty handprint stays there.

I pack up my wii and put it away neatly in it's box. I pack all the games into another box and try to fit as much in there as possible. My room is a mess. I still have so much work to do.

I find a lot of old things burried that I've lost for a long time now. Old photos, clothes, game cases, my cap and gown from my middle school graduation. Old letters that I used to send to my friends during class so that I didn't have to say a word and still have fun. I looked through everything and sighed. I wish I could keep those memories forever. I didn't need these things to remind me of the days in my life that actually meant something. A kept a few trinkets and threw everything else away. I looked through the photos and I found one of my old friend from elementary school. Her name was Brianna. I still remember it clearly like it happened yesterday. She was paralzyed from the waist down and was confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life. Like me, she was also an outcast. We quickly became friends and since then we were inseperable. I wheeled her around everywhere I could. I brought her outside, took her to the nurse. We were best friends. When the time came for our graduation to middle school, I was so sad because I knew that I would probably never see her again. She cut out a picture of herself and gave it to me and I did the same for her. Then we parted ways. I wondered what she was doing now. Maybe she's in college, leading a successful life. Maybe she already has children. I kept her picture for so many years but she probably threw my picture away long ago. I sighed and thew her picture away as well. Even if I didn't have her picture, I'd remember her forever as one of my most treasured friends even if I myself am forgotten. I threw everything away.

Then I found a library card from the old library I used to go to every day after school. I was 13 years old. I met my first real boyfriend there. His name was Romel. Romel Glover. He always saw me sitting there, studying, and he would always try to sway me to hang out with him and talk to him. Eventually, I was enough of a regular that everyone in that library knew who we were. His friend paired us up and I reluctantly went out with him but settled down over time. But like always things ended in a sour note. He was cheating on me with a girl named Christina whom he had foolishly written about in a book that my friend was also writing in for this program. She discovered his piece and had promptly told me about it. I read it and in a rage, I stormed into the library and told him how much of an asshole he was, using the book as proof. Speechless, because he was caught red-handed, I threw the book at his face and left, telling him that he's nothing and that I'll be better off. I laughed to myself because a few years later, I ran into him at the store and he tried to be all nice to me and expect me to believe he suddenly turned into a good person. I told him it was never going to happen. I ran into him again, this time while I was with my boyfriend and his friend. He looked at me and said hello. I figured I would cut him some slack. I didn't give a damn about him anyway because I had a boyfriend of my own who actually loved me and cared for me, even if he has trouble expressing those feelings. My boyfriend expressed dislike for him however, and I quickly moved on and pulled him along before they fought. After that I saw him every now and then, but he was nothing to me. Just a guy that I knew a long time ago who was probably still the same old rotten, cheating kid now as he was back then. I know it's probably petty to hold grudges. But I don't take lightly to people who betray others.

I took my scissors and cut up the card and threw it away.

I picked up all my beloved stuffed animals and stuffed them into a trashbag with some clothes that I didn't want anymore. I was going to donate everything to charity. I found a red teddy bear that my boyfriend got me for valentine's day a month after we started dating. He had a big grin on his face when he handed me the bear and chocolates. I opened the chocolates and popped one into my mouth and I stopped dead. The chocolates had peanuts in it. He asked me what was wrong when I ran to the bathroom and started spitting it out. I told him I was allergic to peanuts. He freaked and got me a toothbrush and kept apologizing. I smiled. It was such a sweet thing to do. He messed up, but it was the nicest thing a guy has ever done for me. I put the bear neatly away in a box along with another stuffed animal he got me for valentine's day this year. I grinned and blushed, wondering, how can someone so rotten and imperfect as me can find soemone so wonderful. Someone who tolerates my crap. Someone who finds me even remotely sexually attractive. God must have created him especially for me.

I threw all my shoes into a crate and salvaged the shoe laces to use for my new pair of work shoes that were a little loose on me. I tied them in and cut them so they wouldn't be so long. Then I wrapped tape around the tips to keep them pointy and keep the laces from unraveling. After I was done packing some things, I stacked the boxes on top of my dresser. There was still a lot that I had to do. It was 7 at night. I haven't had a break to sit down since I got home from work at 3. I was exhausted. I dragged the trashbags full of clothes and toys and stuffed animals to my neighbor. I told her to keep whatever she wanted and then donate the rest to charity.


Right now, I'm sitting here at work with a big smile on my face, working hard and staring at my $635 check. I'm certainly going to treat myself today. I'll go to game stop and I'll buy Phantasy Star Portable 2. Then I spend the day with my boyfriend, his awesome older sister, and her boyfriend. On this glorious, sunny, friday.

'Till next time. <3

~ Jaz