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Tagged as: pippi longstocking wtf.

Written by Wolfboy183 on May 7, 2011
Dense fog, torrential rain,icy winds. Long, winding slushed, and muddy road in the hills of nowhere. That wasn't how Cheech and Jimmy didn't like to spend their Friday night. Right as they completed their last delivery for the night, they were called on to make this run to Red Vine market in the forbidden city of Annville.

Jimmy wrestled with the steering wheel as he tried to keep the truck from skidding as he pressed onward. The truck's engine roared as the huge vehicle ploughed uphill against the foot-high layer of slick that coated the cracked and crooked road. It wasn't coined Gjørme Sleip Road for nothing, and it's name meant exactly that- mud and slip. Gjørme Sleip Road wound through the mountainside and around steep hills and was the only way to get into the mysterious and gloomy city of Annville, which was blocked off with a Berlin-esque wall. Where the wall didn't continue up on the mountainsides, this road was the only way in or out. The time it took for a round trip in this weather was roughly four hours.

Luk Foi Foods Co, an Asian company that imported and distributed dried foods to markets all over the Kerning area, had contracts to the Red Vine market area inside Annville.

Funny thin was, Cheech and Jimmy were both two middle-aged Caucasian men, and with the rare luck they recieved embedded in the misfortunes and failings in their lives wound up driving for a Chinese delivery company.

Now they were trying to haul ass out of Annville before anything happened, and in Annville, anything could happen.

Jimmy swore under his breath as he grappled with the wheel.

"Hey, uh, you want me to drive now?"
"Nah, I got this...I got this fucker!" Jimmy grunted.
"Looks like you're trying not shit your pants at the same time," Cheech chuckled.
"I'm saving it...I ain'd doing no paper work tonight, so my personal export have to suffice."
Cheech chuckled, "You said it."

The radio crackled as Cheech fiddled with the controls. There was a propaganda station down in Annville broadcasting an endles jargon of spiel revering a powerful gang. The mountains blocked feeds from other radio stations.
"Yer shittin' me!" Cheech muttered, shaking his fist over the radio. He reached for one of the cassette tapes and stuck it in. The tape deck clicked and clattered and a hick bluegrass tune rang from the speakers.

"Turn that shit off!" Jimmy barked, "Have you any idea how annoying that is?"
"How's it annoying? It should cheer you up, boy,"
"Cheerful? What the fuck have you been listening to this week? Has Pop Tart Cat scrambled your brain or what?"
"Pop tart cat? I thought that was the cure for that Friday shit they keep playing on the pop stations."
"Bah!" Jimmy yelled, "Seriously, how the hell can you even masturbate with this shit blasting in your ears?"

"Yer' pretty pissed."
To prove his co-worker's point, Jimmy reached back with one hand and pounded the radio. He missed the stop button.

A red light came on on the dash board. Low fuel.
"Sonnuva, you gotta be shittin...."

Just as the truck almost died, they reached the top of the hill and were on level road again. The truck kicked and heaved as it lumbered down the road, ploughing through the thick soup of water and mud. Jimmy strained to see. Shit was piling up on the windsheild as fast as the word wipers could brush it aside.

Ahead was less than 20 feet of visible space-

A human figure spawned out of nowhere and stumbled into the path of the oncoming truck, and froze, as if stunned by the bright glare of the trucks headlights.

"Mother of fuck!" Jimmy shouted as he floored the brakes. The truck skidded sideways as it slid towards the unweary figure.
"We're gonna hit!~"

The truck was suddenly stopped as if it slammed head-on into a wall. The two men were thrown forward, their old seatbelts snapping loose, and they hit the windsheild, which instantaneously cracked. A few alarms started beeping and a display appeared on an LCD monitor, revealing the damage on a schematic map.

Both guys, stunned by being thrown at the windsheild fell back into their seats, and rubbed their sore foreheads.
"What the hell was that?!"
"I can't see shit- the headlights are busted."
"No, I meant what the hell did we just hit?"
"Downed tree's my bet. This road was open when we came in."
"No, that guy that just-

Jimmy reached for his flashlight, and rolled down his window. Icy sleet assaulted his arm as he reached out and beamed the flashlight ahead.
There was no downed tree in front of the truck. He raised it until it illuminated what he tried not to hit. His jaw dropped when he saw his target.

It was a tall human female figure, stood, legs spread out in some sort of defensive stance. Her arms were raised and crossed, blocking her face. Her skin was pale, and her bright raid hair resonated in Jimmy's light. She wore nothing more than a long patchwork skirt, and mismatched stockings. Her hair was done up in two stiff pigtails that pointed outward.

The wind howled and blew the rain around her slender body.

Jimmy mouthed the words 'What the Fu-'

"Geez, Jimmy, what do we do?"
"Take her into town, dump her off at the nearest hospital. I sure as hell ain't lookin' to get grilled by the cops about there being a body up here."
"We only got two seats."
"Well, we'll just toss her in the back," Jimmy said as he climbed out. He felt the icy chill of water seeping into his boots as he trudged towards her. Cheech reached out and beamed his flashlight on him.

"H-hey, you alright?" Jimmy yelled to the young woman. "I almost damn near hit you, you know that?"
It didn't help at all that she remained frozen in her defensive position, and didn't respond.
Jimmy lowered his flashlight so as not to beam it in her face.
"Hey, you hearing me? Or are you just frozen stiff?"

He stepped closer. "Look, you're gonna freeze to death out here. How 'bout comin' with us? We'll take you into town and let you off at a hospital or somethin. You ain't lookin' too good. Here, let me help you-"

"Stay away!" she shouted, swinging her arms outward, startling him.
Jimmy stepped back. He was amazed at the stunning beauty of her face. Her green eyes glowed in Cheech's flashlight.

"What do you mean 'stay away? Look, missy, I don't know what happened to you and I ain't lookin to answering the police about your body being found up here! Seriously, we're on a tight schedule, so come on, already! ...And you're blocking the road."

She just stood there staring at him, unresponsive. He looked back at Cheech and shrugged.

"Just grab her and come on! We can put her in the back!" Cheech shouted back.

"Alright, I had enough of this," Jimmy fumed as he walked up and reached out to grasp her arm-

She instantly sprang out at him, grasped his wrist with one hand and his elbow with her other and crushed the bones, then in one quick vicious twist, she ripped his arm clean off in a blast of blood and flesh. She ripped off his arm with so much force she threw Jimmy in the process. He fell and hit the snow, completely shocked, but screamed in agony nonetheless.

"What the shit?!?!" Cheech hollered, reaching for the shotgun mounted to the wall behind him. In his panic, he dropped the flashlight, losing sight of her.

He pulled the trigger and fired several times in her direction. He jumped out of the truck, strained to see but it was near pitch black.
"Hang on, Jimmy, I'ma comin'!"

He heard sloshing footsteps and fired in the direction of the sound. He fired a few more times, then was hit by a silent but explosive blast that sent him tumbling. He got up, waved his gun around in a panic.
By the time he heard running footsteps in the mud, it was too late.

She body checked him from behind with such force, she sent his fat 250 lb ass flying. She pounced again, grasping his hand that held the gun, and crushed every single bone from his wrist to his fingers.

Cheech screamed in agony then felt the crushing bone and heard the splintering of every bone and gushy burst of every organ and tissue in his body. The searing agonizing pain of his skull caving in on his brain was the last thing he felt before he lost consciousness.
just a random scene- pippi longstocking appears out of nowhere and murdering two delivery drivers with her bare hands

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May 7, 2011
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