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My mom, the greatest film critic ever.

Written by Imppala on March 28, 2009
Hello... Is this mike working? Is there a rants tag in the VuTales blog system?

Excellent. Buckle your seat belts, ladies and gentlemen, because you're in for a long ride.

Now, I had just watched Slumdog Millionaire earlier this week, and thought it an interesting movie. If any movie could be forgiven for pipping the Dark Knight (which DIDN'T GET NOMINATED, a crime tantamount to murder), it was this movie. Powerful, gripping and a rather good insight into pre-development India, my rage at the Dark Knight was somewhat defused after watching this movie.

So imagine my rather great shock when my mom thought it civil to ask me over breakfast today what movie I had watched this week, and I replied, "Slumdog Millionaire". Her reply floored me.

"Oh, it was crap."

I was stunned. I asked her whether or not she had watched the movie. Her response?

"I don't need to watch the movie to know it wasn't good."

This just gets better and better, doesn't it? My mother, the greatest film critic in the world. Up till now, I had no idea. She must have been the fastest film critic ever, since she doesn't need to watch the movie first. See the title, deliver one word opinions such as "Bad. Crap." and move on.

Trying to remain coherent, I told her my opinion of it, and the fact that it probably deserved Best Picture ahead of the Dark Knight. If her reply just now floored me, this one tied an anchor to me and dumped me in the deepest part of the Mariana Trench.

"No lah, the Dark Knight was juvenile."

Juvenile. JUVENILE? Right, I can take Slumdog Millionaire being passed off as crap. But the Dark Knight. THE DARK KNIGHT IS JUVENILE?

IT'S OFFICIAL. WAR IS DECLARED.

Voice slightly shaking, I asked my mom why.

"It's based on a cartoon, that's why!"

I wanted to curl up in a corner. I wanted to beat my mom with the biggest stick I could find. I wanted to curl up into a corner AND beat my mom with a stick. Wait, that doesn't make sense. See, I'm still incoherent with rage. RAGE.

My mother. My dear old mother has the audacity to live under the same roof as one of the bigger fans of Batman (if not one of the biggest) and not know what originated from what?

And she thinks Dark Knight is juvenile. To borrow a phrase from that Guy with the GLasses, "KIDS FROM EGYPT KNOW THE DARK KNIGHT WAS NOT JUVENILE!"

"Did you watch either of them?"

"Please la. Don't need to watch them. Hear can already."

I then expressed my not so humble opinion that clearly we must have been living in parallel universes, because SLumdog won Best Picture in the Oscars and the Dark Knight has drawn widespread praise as probably (read: definitely) the best Batman movie ever.

I also dared her to name a good movie, and to this point in time, she has yet to give a satisfactory response. (Btw, she's watched Titanic four times and some other romance movies TWICE. hinthint.)

And she's watched neither. I'm pissed. The only opinion I'll ever offer to a movie I haven't watched is "I didn't watch it, sorry." Period. Full stop.

It's like not reading LOTR and condemning it as crap. (If one more person tells me they've watched LOTR when I ask them if they've READ it, I will strangle them. After filleting.) Well okay, I've never read Twilight, not fully anyway. But I've read enough of the stupid quotes from the book "His breath made my mouth water!" to say it sucks, and with enough justification. And the whole non-retarded English-reading community will agree with me.

Stephanie Meyer may have been creative (sliiiightly) plot-wise, but she can't do exaggerations worth a damn.

A little debating always wakes up the mind, beautifully, though. I went from semi-concussed (try sleeping only three hours) to full-blown debating mood in about five seconds.

Ah well, this will be my first blog on the new site. If anyone wants to drop a comment, like this or hunt down my mom with chainsaws, please feel free.

Cheers,
Imppala

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Imppala

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March 28, 2009
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Comments

 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 01:56 AM +

I just watched the Dark Knight.
Was a good movie.

My suggestion for your mother... kill her. >:)
JK JK.. sorta.
Idk what to do...my mom just brags about her knowledge of movie stars.

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 01:59 AM +

Slumdog, I'mma watch that tomorrow. :)

Dark Knight was good, but didn't match the hype IMO. It wasn't childish though.

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 02:01 AM +

Twilight is a very very sexist book. It's disgusting. Not that I hate it (hate is a really strong word), but I don't like it, much. There's a website that my friend gave me a link to that lists a TON of valid points and the reasoning too.

LOTR is not crap.

The Dark Knight is not juvenile just because it was based on a comic book, otherwise it wouldn't be rated... what is it, PG-13? I haven't watched either of these movies though, so maybe I'm not justified to say anything about the quality? XD But I do want to watch them...

And Titanic was a pretty great film as well.

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 02:04 AM +

Titanic sucked IMO. It was too dramatic.

Just my opinion ;)

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 02:06 AM +

i know just how you feel. My entire family didn't like Slumdog. My brother didn't even finish, and my mom, aunt and uncle thought it was crap.
I don't consider their opinions ever though, because they old, traditional, Indian people who only ever watch Bollywood movies. The adults in my family never seem to like anything other than a good love story (typical bollywood for you). You can imagine my expression when they said there was nothing good about the movie. I can sort of understand where they are coming from. They are born and raised in India, and though the depictions of the country were very wrong. However, I was smart enough to get that they aren't from the slums -.- and therefore, don't know about the truth. They also dont get that it was just a movie. They took personal offense that an movie filmed in India directed by a white man won Oscars, but other bollywood movies directed by Indians don't.

The reason being: Bollywood sucks. There are very few bollywood movies that I would bother watching twice, which says a lot, i watch them more frequently than English movies, and for a lot longer.

yeah sorry. You just sorta lit a fuse. :)\

I can rant about Twilight later :P

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 02:07 AM +

Actually she didn't say Titanic. I just pre-empted her by saying, "Ok then, name me a good movie. And please don't say Titanic."

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 02:18 AM +

Never provoke someone...

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 02:19 AM +

ur mother is hawt imo

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 02:20 AM +

I liked all the LOTR junk :[
</3

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 02:24 AM +

LOTR is ... different. A lot of adults don't understand it.

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 02:25 AM +

Oh, and now whenever she watches anything, I'll pass by and say "THat's crap". I figure a year of this will be just about equal justice for dubbing the Dark Knight as juvenile without even watching it.

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 02:26 AM +

ROFL. XD

Vengeance is sweet. <3

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 03:41 AM +

ROFL.

You do have a point about Titanic being a tad dramatic. But again, I haven't watched it in a looooooong while... XD

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 04:06 AM +

Slumdog Millionaire is one of the most heartwarming movies I have ever watched up to date =[

*Attacks your mother*

The poop part grossed me out though >.<

 
 
Sat Mar 28, 2009 04:40 AM +

FANBOY RAGE ACTIVATE.

Hah. Smite her down by insulting every drama or show she watches over the next year as well, it is only fair.

 

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