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The Assassination

Written by Arladerus on August 22, 2010
During the early 1960s, there were only two people in the world that mattered, which one of whom is John F. Kennedy. Most people don't realize it but the true culprit behind John F. Kennedy's assassination was Chuck Norris, the other man of the world during the early 60s. Of course, not much is known about the basis behind the assassination.

The revealing of Chuck Norris was only found through a new technology known as "Distorted Dimension Protocol", or DDP. However, the credibility of DDP is still in testing, which can be explained by how it works. Through DDP, it has been discovered that there are, in fact, an infinite number of parallel universes running along the course of time at the same time. However, although they run parallel, all infinite amount of universes have an infinite amount of different variations. DDP shifts a unit through to a parallel universe. However, this is not guarantee that the returning DDP unit is the same as the one that left, nevermind that the original one even recorded the correct future. However, there has been a pattern that every 42 universes, they are exactly the same. However, since time has no smallest measurement, it's almost impossible to know if the universe you enter is a multiple of 42 away from yours.

However, with DDP1, the findings were very odd. Chuck Norris, training due to fear that Bruce Lee would kill him if they were to fight, had a plan to kill Bruce Lee without risking his own life. Being the awesome badass he was, Chuck Norris killed all the Secret Service and went straight to the president at that time, John F. Kennedy. He asked whether he could use America's services to assassinate Bruce Lee. Unfortunately, JFK told Chuck Norris that he would have used the Secret Service to do so but he already killed them all. JFK then drove off.

There just to happen to be a man with a gun in a building nearby. He located this man, who was Lee Harvey Oswald, with his powers like a shark, able to find him through the sound of his heartbeat. He stared at him and scared him so much that he fired several shots at Chuck Norris. However, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the bullets and severely wounded a governor and assassinated the President.

At that point, the scientist who was observing became so scared that he spewed diarrhoea all over the floor. Of course Chuck Norris heard. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked so hard that it sent the scientist forward through a parallel universe, stopping at a studio with Bruce Lee in 1973. The scientist continued to diarrhoea all over the set, which scared Bruce Lee so much that he suffered seizures.


DISCLAIMER: THIS IS ENTIRELY FICTION. NONE OF THIS EVER HAPPENED. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS TO HEART AS A CONSPIRACY THEORY. THANK YOU.

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Arladerus

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August 22, 2010
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Comments

 
Sun Aug 22, 2010 03:37 AM +

What a magnificent bastard.

 
 
Sun Aug 22, 2010 04:15 AM +

everyone knows JFK was assassinated by Santa Claus

stupid stupid baka

 
 
Sun Aug 22, 2010 07:58 AM +

sic semper tyrannis

 
 
Sun Aug 22, 2010 04:16 PM +

woah

 
 
Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:30 AM +

LOL most intelligent thing containing 'Chuck Norris' I've heard. Good job. (no seriously, good fic)

 
 
Tue Aug 24, 2010 05:23 PM +

Wut.

 
 
Tue Aug 24, 2010 11:33 PM +

spygirl57 said: Wut.


Stop spamming all the blogs.

You make VuBot mad.

VuBot said: VuBot ANGRY.

 

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