Story in bold. Written in VuTales Chat. This is all improv, btw

sho me da munnee prease says:
*I'll write a story right now.
     Spades Slick ♠ says:
*why the heck do i know his last name off th top of my head?
sho me da munnee prease says:
*You guys reading?
*Give me two nouns.
Animosity says:
*Who's Isabella Swan?
Conners says:
*fat kid
sho me da munnee prease says:
*The feg
*the twat
Conners says:
*and
sho me da munnee prease says:
*from Twilight
Conners says:
*..
*hmmm.
     Spades Slick ♠ says:
*a skank
Conners says:
*FAT KID AND WAYNE!
*make story nao
sho me da munnee prease says:
*LOL NO SYNONYMS PLZ
*I'm joking.
*Fat kid and
*?
Conners says:
*...
*wayne DS:
*okay fine
*snail
sho me da munnee prease says:
*Okay.
*Once upon a time
*There was
*a man
*who lived in an enormous castle.
*He had recently slaughtered all the Pirates of Cambodia
*where the government of the Eastern Sea had given him a large sum of money for his deed.
*However, he was now an old man
*hunched over.
*He would never take the medicine that was given to him, paranoid of being poisoned, although not taking the medication was in fact poisoning him.
*See, he has eaten very little in the past 20 years
*once again afraid of poisoning.
*This has lead to the mucus lining of his stomach to reach its limits.
*Every day, he would vomit blood.
*The medication was there to sooth the stomach walls and to prevent further damage.
*One day, a raid party from Quebec decided to TP the man's castle.
*He was lying in bed with his dearest when he awoke to the sounds of laughing young men and thuds around the building.
*He immediately throw the sheets off and trampled to the high post, taking his dearest with him.
*Laying the barrel of his dearest against the window sill, he pressed her butt against his shoulder and aimed down the sights of his dearest.
*He emptied the entire magazine, unloading 30 rounds into the young boys.
*men*.
*All but the men had died.
*...
*He proceeded down the steps while changing the magizine. Aloing the way, he kicked a lever that lowered the drawbridge.
*He had realized he had missed all of his shots;
*he aimed for their heads, but they were all shot at their limbs instead.
*As the men cried in agony in the mud, he took a bucket of maggots and poured them all over the bloody mess known as men.
*There was one unscathed man, however:
*the fat kid.
*Here was a plump boy with rosy cheeks. Beneath his glasses were two eyes red from tears.
*This boy feared for his life, but he couldn't fight or run even for a triple chocolate cake.
*As the maggots burrowed into his acquintances' arms and legs, he could do nothing by looked away from the man with the rifle and the dying.
*He noticed a spot on the ground untouched by the blood, however.
*There lay a tiny snail.
*The fat kid lay his finger at the tip of the blade of grass as an extension for it; the snail continued to leave a slimy trail from the grass to his finger.
*BOOM.
*Before he knew it, his finger was gone.
*Actually, several other fingers were gone too.
Lithybaer - Gretsch White Penguin <3 says:
*Kevin
*what the fuck are you talking about?
sho me da munnee prease says:
*It turns out that the man with the rifle shot off his fingers, as many of his fingers were in the same line of sight.
*The boy slowly turned his head as blood poured out of where his fingers should have been.
*The man now aimed at the boy's head from point-blank range.
*"Good bye."
*As his muscles contracted to pull the trigger, a small red dot could be seen flying from the ground:
*It was the snail, drenched in the blood of the fat kid.
Lithybaer - Gretsch White Penguin <3 says:
*...
sho me da munnee prease says:
*The courageous snail had already taken a liking to the boy and was willing to risk its life for the fat kid.
*A blast was heard;
*the snail was hit.
*
* G&#955;&#1080;z&#7883;&#962;us has left the conversation.
*
* Lithybaer - Gretsch White Penguin <3 has left the conversation.
*
sho me da munnee prease says:
*Sadly, the snail's shell was nowhere near the strength and density required to stop a bullet. Both the snail and fat kid lay on the floor, dead.
*... I'm posting this on VuTales.